


Breaking Like Potted Plants

by AcademySenseiIruka



Series: Classified Files: Ninja Holiday Report [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, April Fools' Day, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M, Mentioned Multiple Minor Character Death, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 18:32:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3660765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcademySenseiIruka/pseuds/AcademySenseiIruka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi and Iruka brake up... APRIL FOOLS</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking Like Potted Plants

**Author's Note:**

> Just as a side bar: 'Breaking Like Potted Plants' was originally chapter two of my 'The Comings and Goings of Ninja' story but It did not feel right so I rewrote 'Comings and Goings of Ninja' into a series with 'Tea Time Saga' and made this into another series called 'Classified Files: Ninja Holiday Report' Sorry if this is confusing. I only mention this because I still view them as connecting stories. Just that each series focuses on a different part in there lives. One on tea, the other holidays but they are the same characters from the same world.
> 
>  
> 
> Happy April Fools Day Everyone. Enjoy!

(Kakashi)

He was a genius. But with all his vast intellect he still couldn't figure out what he had done wrong. Iruka had been giving him the cold shoulder all week and the Jounin was racking his brain trying to figure out why.

As far as he knew he hadn't forgotten any anniversary's or holidays and they hadn't been able to schedule a date since he got back from his last mission, so it's not like he could get in trouble for Tsunade hauling him away in the mists of a romantic evening. Even so something was amiss.

In an attempt to figure out the source of the displeasure, Kakashi had taken up the hobby of secretly stalking the Sensei and for the better part of the past three days had closely observed the Chunins daily routine.

As he followed unseen, he noticed Iruka, for the most part, retained normal even chakra levels and his countenance remained relatively calm. Aside from moments of peeked frustrations with irk some paperwork misfiling and disobedient hellions, his chakra never spiked. And on those occasions where it was flustered, it quickly settled. Relaxing easily in the pleasantries of his everyday life.

That is until he got home.

At home he became standoffish and distant. And as the days went by Kakashi became increasingly aware of the subtle perturbed dissonance that would emanate at odd intervals. Flickering slightly as Iruka failed to completely dampen a twinge of unhappiness. Like peeking beyond a curtain as a gust of wind blew it aside. Kakashi could taste the displeasure hanging around him. But when Kakashi tried to comfort his lover, Iruka would physical shift away, dodging any sort of affection.

In desperation (and against his better judgement) Kakashi was forced to consult the shinobe gossip mongers, Genma and Anko, simply to confirm if there were any troubling rumors circulating about him. There weren't, tho in all likely hood now there probably were.

He tapped his porn contemplatively against his masked chin. 'No, he hadn't done anything wrong... he was relatively sure he hadn't' he decided as the baritones voice drifted across the road to the Jounins secret canopy. The tall shinobi stretched lazily across a tree branch like an old sun bathing cat. He took a moment to slightly adjust the strategically placed leafy foliage of his perch to better survey the classroom and his quarry.

The fiery teacher had interrupt his own teaching to deliver a most likely, much deserved lecture. The boisterous Chunins fists clenched tightly and he lashed out, hurling creative adjectives like kuni. Kakashi smiled, chuckling whimsically at the sight of his red faced raging lover. As the Chunin moved from view the elite pouted slightly, but his pout rapidly dissipated as the window abruptly slammed opened and one of his own ninken was unceremoniously lobbed outside.

Leaning out the window the teacher snapped his head around to glare furiously in his direction. Instinctively the Jounin tensed, awaiting a sound lashing. But instead he watched helplessly as the younger mans anger dissolved into sadness. It lasted only a moment before shinobi training kicked in but Kakashi saw it. The resignation. What ever was bother Iruka was about to come to a head, tonight if he was any judge of character.

If the Jounin was being honest with himself he would acknowledge the fact that the most troubling aspect of the Senseis behavior was his distinct lack of fight. The irate tantrums he normally loved to provoke had suddenly dried up and left the Sensei quiet. And that quite frankly, even in his denial filled haze, scared the elite more that anything else because it made him realize... he was losing Iruka.

He almost felt their relationship end as the window slid closed with a defining, yet soft click.

Leaning back on his heels, brooding, the Jounin came to a decision. If Iruka was going to brake up with him tonight than Kakashi wasn't about to make it easy for him. The elite swiftly teleported away, he had preparations to make.

(Iruka)

It was late when Iruka arrived home. He slowly climbed the stretch of stairs, each step more laborious and reluctant than the last. He felt hollow except for the tight swells of dread and anxiety that had taken up residence in the pit of his stomach. And a strict sense of stern inevitability dominated his thoughts. Kakashi had been home a week and this had gone on long enough, too long in fact. It was painful for the both of them.

'This ends here' he thought as he clutched the knob and opened the door to be caught off guard by the mystifying sight of a small candle, glowing pale in the middle of an otherwise dark room.

The baleful light sat lovingly centered on a lavishly decorated table between an intimate dinner for two. Its opaque gleam casting murky shadows on everything else, as if nothing else mattered, that the world revolved around the two place settings. A dark crimson tablecloth adorned the table and an elegant deep sweeping fabric decorated the tables edge. Rose peddles littered the table and cream cloth napkins sat high in intricately folded designs arranged atop expensive rose gold plates.

"Welcome home." A soft voice drawled lazily, seductively, from the dark hallway leading to the bed room.

Iruka stared dumbly as the attractive Jounin approached confidently, a large bouquet of burgundy roses nestled in his arms. He wore a pristine white suit, sans mask, his shirt a midnight black almost made his crimson tie glow like the candle on the table.

Keeping his eyes fully trained on the teacher, Kakashi reached out to gently slide the satchel off the shoulder of the stunned school teacher. The weight of his bag, slyly replaced with the freshly picked sweet smelling flora.

Iruka felt drunk off the dark eyes. One a deep black like the shirt he wore, the other the same crimson shade of his tie. The Jounin smiled gently, and slowly he leaned in, and the closer he came the more Iruka felt himself pulled in.

If the sharingan had been active he wouldn't have stood a chance, he would have gladly surrendered to the power of the swirling eye. But the tomoe did not spin and Iruka was quickly jolted back to the realization they were about to kiss. An internal warning sounded in his head, jarring him from the lust solely brought on by the presence of the other. Kakashi was being so sweet and kind, he didn't deserve any of this. Guilt plowed up from his stomach in the form of bile and Iruka defensively pulled the bouquet between them, choking of its assent and Kakashi progress. "W-what are you doing?" he asked cringing internally at the obvious avoidance.

But Kakashi seemed unphased. "Well Sensei Ive missed us having the evening together. just enjoying each others company." Kakashis deep velvety voice lilted beyond the make shift floral barrier, slowly coaxing the teachers tense muscles to drain. "I have a full evening planned." he purred. "I fully intend to shamelessly pander to your every-"

"Look Kakashi." Iruka forced out shakily. Kakashi needed to know. It wasn't fair, and too overrode with guilt the Sensei couldn't take it any more. "we need to-" a smooth creamy tang slipped in his open mouth, deliberately guided by a rose gold spoon.

"Its the gravy for tonight's meal. Ibiki got the recipe off a delirious sand ninja once. Its amazing isn't it?"

And it was. The texture and taste played across his tongue like one of Kakashi breath taking kisses. He nodded mutely, bobbing his head behind the arrangement allowing the bounce of his pony tail to speak for him.

"Problem is Ibiki knows how good it is so he holds the recipe in reserve. Only willing test participants get a copy, and even then you have to sign a waver to promise not to tell anyone. If you do then you are automatically drafted into helping T and I study new techniques for torture."

Iruka blinked lowering the roses. "You volunteered for torture to get this?" Iruka asked incredulously.

The alluring Jounin nodded "It was worth it don't you think? I got it especially for tonight." His rich purr sending a shiver of want straight through the weakening reserves of the Senseis, almost dividing the teacher in two. One half of him wanted to pounce, screw dinner he was going to have dessert. The other half crawled into a fetal position, he didn't deserve anything Kakashi had to offer.

A fluttering spasm of guilt won out effectively quashed the Jounins sultry romanticism.

"Kakashi." He murmured in downcast defeat. The teacher ducked his head as a sharp trill of helplessness shuddered through his aching body. Pinching his eyes closed, refusing to meet the others face, he solemnly handed back the beautiful bouquet.

He twitched as a large swell of shame rocketed around his chest braking the peaces of a broken heart. "I am so sorry Kakashi but I can't. There is something..." he broke off.

"Iruka what ever it is-" The other soothed.

"No, you don't understand." Iruka shifted around the frozen elite and headed to the back room, pausing once to flick on the lights.

He couldn't help but whimper softly just before he disappeared to the back bed room.

(Kakashi)

Kakashi pivoted to face the Chunins back, to rooted where he was to follow. He simply clutched the bouquet like it would run away other wise. He felt like the world was tumbling down around his ears. Drowning painfully in Irukas blind determination to end what he prized above all else.

Kakashi herd a stifled whimper as the Sensei saw the newly designed bedroom. Pausing momentarily, obviously surprised by the extent of the remake.

As he finally stepped inside Kakashi noted the soft shuffling of the Sensei movements and followed the teachers sounds with the corresponding imagined position. He pictured Iruka adjusting the new fabric curtain that gently tumbled around the head of the bed and bend over to reach beyond the broad arch of the royal looking headboard to retrieve a small something from in front of the darkened window.

The somber teacher returned slowly shuffling out of the back room, clutching protectively a familiar potted plant. Once proud green leaves now turned a sandy yellow. As the Sensei warily approached, down cast eyes focused on the three remaining leaves of the Hatake house plant.

The dejected Chunin sniffed. Its gentle gust enough to dislodge two leaves. The remaining one sat alone on a high stem like a flag of surrender.

"You killed Mr. Ukki." The Jounin stated matter-of-factly.

"I am so so sorry. I was rushing off to the academy and accidentally knocked him off the shelf. His pot-"

"Apartment"

"His apartment broke. I tried I really did, but the more I tried the worse he got. Eventually he just... died." Kakashi quickly surveyed the repentant teacher. Somewhere between entering the back bedroom and leaving the teacher had paled considerably, a dark gray hue clouded his tormented expression and his eyes brimmed with penitent tears.

"You mean, this is whats been upsetting you?" The Jounin asked. Iruka nodded, looking up the brown doe eyes pleaded for understanding and forgiveness. As if the Sensei was afraid Kakashi would quit loving him.

Irukas lips trembled in an endearing display of remorse and Kakashi couldn't handle it any more.

A bark of laughter erupted into long streams of tears. He chortled and cackled in a choked off attempt to explain to the surprised teacher but his oblivious innocent expression only hurled Kakashi deeper into a chaotic gregarious fit of laughter.

He howled as relief poured over him like a waterfall and stepping forward he embraced the teacher until he could contain his outburst.

"All this time." he sighed gleefully kissing a pinking cheek.

"I don't understand." Iruka protested flabbergast by the reaction. "Naruto gave you Mr. Ukki, you've had him for years. You care for him like one of your ninken, like family. How can you laugh? I-I killed him." The bemused Jounin starred lovingly into the Senseis searching eyes. It was easy to read the play of confusion and anger as the duel emotions fought to dominate the younger man.

"Because Sensei, that is not the same plant Naruto gave me."

Irukas mouth gaped open "Yes it is."

"Nope, that one died about a week after I got it." The Jounin beamed like it was some kind of achievement. "In fact, Ive Killed Mr. Ukki so many times I have Ino special order several back ups. We can get a replacement tonight if you'd like, I think I have three more waiting for me... but wail were there we should order more." he murmured seriously, coaxing the beginnings of a smile from the slowly relaxing teacher.

"Just how many Mr. Ukkis have you killed?"

"Well lets see, I have a list around here..." the Jounin pattered off happily to the kitchen tugging a dazed Iruka behind him.

(Iruka)

Iruka watched as the Copy-nin reached behind the refrigerator and pulled out a hidden sheet of paper. "Here you go," the Jounin said offering him the page with a playful wave. "A list off all my Mr. Ukkis."

The lengthy organized page had the purchase date and death date like a grave stone, as well as marked the cause of death for each reincarnation of Mr. Ukki.

" number one. " he read aloud, "cause of death, beheading?" he felt his brows lift expectantly as he watched Kakashi take out a vase for the burgundy roses.

"Yes well, I was using a chakra wire trap trick I picked up from a Mist-nin and it went off. I dodged, Mr. Ukki didn't."

"Cliff diving?"

"Knocked out the window, smashed to bits. But that ones more Pakkun's fault."

"Poisoning?"

"I was cleaning wail recovering from chakra exhaustion and accidentally dropped a bucket of window cleaner on him."

Iruka choked on a laugh and Kakashi smiled brightly.

"I assume starvation is when you forgot to water him."

"Yep." he chirped. "And I would have had more casualties if you weren't here to take care of him when I'm off on missions."

Iruka let out a weighted sigh. "I really thought I had hurt you by killing Mr. Ukki." he confessed, sadness drifting into his words along the current of memory. "I was afraid I had actually-" his words were soothed by a sudden kiss.

"But you didn't, Mr. Ukki is important to me which is why I keep getting him replaced, but you there isn't a replacement for." Kakashi spoke seriously, " I was afraid you were avoiding me because you were going to brake up with me." the Jounin explained uncharacteristically bashful.

Iruka's eyes widened, snapping alert, instantly ready to defend his share of the relationship. "No." he said hastily "Never, how could you-" But this time he cut himself off.

Reflecting on his behavior for the last week he allowed his eyes to glaze over as he mentally placed himself in Kakashis position. Suddenly Iruka understood Kakashi's reasoning. The jounin had come to a practical conclusion. Iruka had deliberately avoided Kakashi, even going so far as to physically recoil from affection. He had dismissed the other, albeit unintentionally. But from Kakashis perspective they were obvious sighs of faded or fading love.

But the truth was Iruka was too ashamed of killing a beloved member of Hatakes household. He avoided Kakashi out of guilt and self loathing, pulling away from displays of affection because he felt it was not deserve. He ran from Kakashi, fully convinced that when the Jounin did find out what happened he would not want him around.

Not once had he wanted to end things, but willingly distanced himself because he was sure he had hurt Kakashi immeasurably. The Jounin loved that plant, and had it longer than Iruka and he had been a couple. Or at least he thought so.

To make things worse, in his sincerely misguided attempts to spare Kakashi having to deal with him, he had actually hurt him. His altruism backfired abysmally, resulting in Kakashis unwarranted fear of abandonment. The extravagant ambiance of the candle lit dinner, flowers and apartment renovation were proof enough of that. Hell, Kakashi had even submitted to torture for him. And on top of It all, after an entire week Kakashi still hadn't even KNOWN Mr. Ukki was DEAD!

As a thick coat of shame blanketed him the clever Jounin leaned in for another kiss, effectively silencing his thought process and the list was casually slipped from loosened fingertips. Pulling away the Jounin smiled. At the sight, warm endearment blossomed in the pit of the Senseis stomach, replacing the pool of guilt with simple fondness. "I love you." he blurted out "and I should have come to you earlier. I am very sorry for everything I put you through this past week."

"Mah Its ok." The lazy Jounin sighed. "The same could be said of me. I could have talked to you instead of stalking you."

Iruka cocked an eye brow. "You were stalking me?"

Kakashi flashed a sheepish grin before quickly placing the page on the counter. "Tell me again how Mr. Ukki died." he asked writing down the appropriate dates for the late Mr. Ukki.

"I knew it." Iruka muttered behind a mischievous smirk before launching into his account of Mr. Ukkis demise. "I was running late for work and my bag was right next to him and when I grabbed it he fell off the shelf. I picked him up but I didn't have an appropriate pot to place him in, sorry apartment." he corrected after an exasperated glance from Kakashi. "So I used what we had available, the cleaning bucket." Iruka vaguely wondered if it was the same bucket Kakashi had unintentionally dropped on the previous Mr. Ukki. "But the cleaning bucket was larger than his other apartment and he needed more soil. So I quickly went out and dug up some dirt from down the road. As I did I found some worms and I thought, 'hey, worms are good for plants and soil' so I decided to put them in with him, you know, as pets or something." Irukas expression turned grim, "But by the time I got back from work with his new apartment the worms had almost completely eaten away his roots and leaves. This," He pointed to the dead twig now sitting on the counter. "was all I could salvage."

The Jounin chuckled at the withered plant before pausing to consider what to write. Finally nodding to himself he scribbled something down before passing it back to the Sensei.

Looking down Iruka smiled reading aloud the last entry "Mr. Ukki number seventy-two. Febuary-18-2015 to April-1-2015. Cause of death: Assassination by enemy Worm-nin."


End file.
